Potential

While I was in the process of applying top graduate school, I went through arguably probably some of the lowest moments of my life--nothing like standardized tests to kick you when you're already overworked, stressed out, and uncertain about your future. After taking the General GRE, I had some time to think before the cab I called would arrive: big mistake! After any test, I suggest you surround yourself with people who did not take said test or at least who are not talking about it, or if you have to be alone, just take a nap and pray for no nightmares. Anyway, I started thinking about whether I'd get accepted to any schools, what I'd do if I didn't, and I found myself convincing myself that I could absolutely do anything I wanted to--that I had potential.

Well, I certainly started to feel better, but then fear crept it's way back in, and I started thinking: sure I have potential, but will I ever reach that potential? Is it even possible? Or is it like the dragon you can never catch? (Only a few will appreciate that allusion) I'd been told by several people or professors before that I could do great things or I could be even better. But thinking about how much potential you have can be stressful. You start to beat yourself up with you could've done better than that. You should've done better than that. And I've found that nothing is more paralyzing or a drain on potential like regret or an obsession with the past.

When you let yourself down, it's natural to feel disappointed, upset, or angry. But we should never let that disappointment consume us. Every setback in life's a lesson we had to learn. We could keep beating ourselves up for having to have to learn it in the first place, or we could let out that silent yell in the bedroom, accept our lesson and move on, wiser, healthier, and reinvigorated. And that's how we reach our potential.

Now I once thought of my potential as a smooth parabolic hill of fixed height that I had to power my way up to the crest. But now I know. It's not smooth. There're hills and valleys. There's friction. That potential has to be earned; lessons have to be learned. And it's not fixed. If we live our lives to the fullest, our potential should be an ever increasing mountain, from whose summit we could look back at death and be proud.

So we all have potential. And I'm absolutely certain you can do anything you want. Just take the lessons life throws at you in stride, and scale your way up to your mountaintop.